insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
