i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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