I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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