i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
