Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
send nudes
from the living room?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
