whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize