I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
