Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
