I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
