i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
