how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize