am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
