4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
