Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
