What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
