walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I fill condoms, not promises.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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