end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I am midnight drunk by noon
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
