so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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