Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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