you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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