It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
