ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Randomize
