check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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