my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
