Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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