No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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