Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
