My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I need a beard to bite.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
