bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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