your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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