Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
