Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
