Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize