My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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