Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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