i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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