She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
