who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
