I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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