I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
