so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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