highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize