you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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