I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
