this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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