party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
