she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think my moral compass just broke
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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