My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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