I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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