Screwed.edu
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
