all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
