I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
