just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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