I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I stole a fireplace last night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
