12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's blow job season.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
