I just gift wrapped bread.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
