Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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