were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How external is "for external use only"?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize