I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
