We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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