You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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