ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
