babies were throwing up all over the place
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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