i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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