Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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