Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
