remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
