Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
