Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
